I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two

I was last in the class
Barely passed at the institute
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit

Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line

Better give me all your gauze, nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last

Let me see that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate
I'll pull his insides out
Pull his insides out
And see what he ate

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
Wo-ho, wo-ho, wo-ho

It's a fact. I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind

Like a surgeon, ooh, ooh, like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel
And my forceps
And retractors
Oh, ho, oh, ho, ooh, baby
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time