Daddy put the keys in his pocket
When he walked into the house
Or did he put them on the table
By the telephone.
He thinks that's where he left them.
He really isn't sure.
He knows he had to have them
Just to get inside the door.
Mom's in the kitchen,
Lookin' on the shelf,
She says this kind of panic
Is a hazard to her health.
Time to go to work,
Time to go to school,
And everybody's looking like a fool.

Baby's got the car keys
And she's crawling down the hall.
She's a cute little pickpocket,
Sticky-fingered Goldilocks,
And she's not even 3 feet tall.
She puts them in the toy box
And rattles them around,
Drops them in her diaper,
Now they can't be found.
Time to go to work,
Time to go to school,
And everybody's looking like a fool.

Digging in the sofa
Gets a dollar, fifty cents,
A toothpick, a candy bar,
A dozen fountain pens.
Chaos in the living room,
Disaster in the den,
Sister says she saw 'em
But she can't say when.
Tick-tock the car is locked,
Daddy's going into shock.
Smelly, dirty diapers on the breeze.
Dad says he'll change it
But baby's got to wait
Until he finds those dad gum keys!

Baby's got the car keys
And she's crawling down the hall.
She's a cute little pickpocket,
Sticky-fingered Goldilocks,
And she's not even 3 feet tall.
The baby starts to giggle,
There's something in her hand.
That booger drops a wallet
In the garbage can.
Time to go to work,
Time to go to school,
And everybody's looking like a fool.

Mom's on the telephone
Trying to call a cab,
Daddy's changing baby's diaper in the living room.
The baby's on the table with a bottle in her mouth.
Daddy opens up the diaper, he begins to shout.
Treasure in the diaper, treasure in the muck,
It sure looks a lot like the keys to the truck.
Time to go to work, time to go to school.
And everybody's looking like a fool.

Baby's got the car keys
And she had them all along.
She's a cute little pickpocket,
Sticky-fingered Goldilocks,
And she's not even 3 feet tall.
The party isn't over,
They're about to find out,
Daddy threw away his wallet
When he took the garbage out.
Time to go to work,
Time to go to school,
And everybody's looking like a fool.
Time to go to work,
Time to go to school,
Everybody's looking just like a fool.