I'm courageous, I'm heroic, I'm fit and I'm strong;
I've been to Young and Jackson's with lipstick on;
I'm worn my Kunta Kinti T-shirt to a Klu Klux meet -
But I've never turned right at Swanston Street.

I've mixed heroin, cocaine and angel dust;
I've played on Rodney Grinter ( and been concussed );
My is mind is dirty, but my whiskey's neat -
But I've never turned right at Swanston Street.

I can be subjected to hours of extreme pain;
I can watch a full ten minutes of Don Lane;
There's only one time I'll admit defeat -
I've never turned right at Swanston Street.