Never hit your grandma with a shovel
It makes a bad impression on her mind

All I want is 50 million dollars
And seal silk to protect me from the cold
If I only knew how stocks would go in Wall Street
And were living in the mansion built of gold
If I only owned Pennsylvania railroad
And if Tuesday weld would only be my wife (oh, Tiny!)
If I could only stay sixteen forever
Then I'd know that I'd be satisfied with life

All I want is wheatgerm for my breakfast
A champagne fountain sizzling at my feet
While Rockefeller waited on the table
And Lombardo's band playin' while I eat
If I only owned Western Union cable
And if Tuesday weld would only be my wife (tiny, I love you!)
If I could only stay sixteen forever and ever and ever
Then I'd know that I'd be satisfied with life

Hello, my dear friend
Don't run away from all this world
It's a great big beautiful world
With fabulous happy faces around
Well, I can see this one over here, you lovely thing
Why, it's beautiful, it's clean, and it's calm and it's modern
If I can have them all, why, I'll tell you, I'll tell you
Then I'd know that I'd be satisfied with life