They don't know my flair for the dramatic
Not a clue, the talent I possess
Pretty girls, but not much in the attic
Face-to-face with genius, and they never guess

They don't know they're staring at an artist
Highly trained to take on any role
Skillful mime, and brilliant laundry cart-ist
Seeking retribution for the life they stole

I almost acted Chekhov, Ibsen, Shaw, Moliere
I almost starred as Peter Pan, imagine moi midair
I almost tackled Shakespeare, a blushing Juliet
And if the house were big enough I still could play her yet

They don't know I'm hotter news than Duse
Helen Hayes and Bernhardt all in one
They're on top, and I look like the loser
Wait and see who's standing when my play is done

So welcome all ye bright young ladies
You're checking into Hotel Hades
I won't stand by while critics praise ya

You're getting shipped to Southeast Asia
But they don't know, they don't know
Sad to be all alone in the world
But they don't know