I got up this morning and did fifty-five press-ups, dad
I brushed my teeth since breakfast and I threw away my Playboy, that's bad!
The Ferrari's in the garage and I gave it a wash just for you
But please don't make me come to the theatre, it's so uncool

I'll babysit my cousin and I promise not to tease him, oh no
I'll caress his little haircut and do everything to please him, oh
I'll watch him like a hawker and in case a fit should seize him
But please don't make me come to the theatre, it's so grim

Kevin's a model child
Always as good as gold
Kevin is never wild
Always does as he's told