The count has an eye on his ankle
and lives in a horrible place.
He wants all your money.
He's never at all funny.
He wants to remove your face!
And you might be thinking, What a romp this is!
But wait till you meet his accomplices…

When you see Count Olaf you're suddenly full of
disgust and despair and dismay.
In the whole of the soul of Count Olaf there's no love
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero;
Then, scream and run away

Scream, scream, scream and run away
Run run run run run run run,
Or die, die die die die die die die,
Run run run run run run run,
Or die, die die die die die die die die die die.

Two women with powdered white faces
And one long-nosed bald man with warts
Things worsen and worsen
As a hook-handed person
And others with nastier parts
This evil and unpleasant crew
Complete Count Olaf's acting troupe
The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortunes of urchins and orphans alike
I mean horrors, Count Olaf is no laughing matter
When you see Count Olaf count to zero...

Then scream and run away...
Scream, scream, scream and run away
Run run run run run run run,
Or die, die die die die die die die,
Run run run run run run run,
Or die, die die die die die die die die die die.