Now this man down at the used car lot
tried to sell me four wheels and a trunk.
I said, "Man, there is no engine!",
he said, "The engine's just a bunch of junk.
You don't need no engine to go downhill
and I could plainly see, that that's the direction
you're headed in", and he handed me the keys
(I said) No deal; you can't sell this stuff to me
No deal, I'm going back to Tennessee

Well, I went to a doctor of the highest order,
he said I couldn't have a drink for a year.
One glass of wine on my birthday
if my birthday wasn't too very near.
Lord, he must have put me in a state of shock
'cause I made it for about two weeks;
then he sent me a bill
that knocked me flat off the wagon
and back down on my feet

When true love knocked upon my door
she'd just barely turned fifteen
and I was a little bit nervous
if you know just what I mean.
But I've heard somewhere
that true love conquers all
and I figured that was that
then I started having dreams 'bout
being chased out of town
wearing nothing but my cowboy hat.

Well, I come through this life a stumbler, my friends
I expect to die that way
it could be twenty years from now
it could be most any day.
But if there is no whiskey and women, Lord,
behind them heavenly doors
I'm gonna take my chances down below,
and of that you can be sure