My mom loves her purse, daddy loves his telescope
Sammy loves his spy kit, Peter loves his jump rope
Ooh, yeah
My sister Amy gets a bike, brother gets a tambourine
And Amy's husband, Dave, gets a, uh, pass
My mom loves cashmere, my father loves photography
And Amy's husband, Dave, loves Amy

Giving gifts fills me with joy
Wrapping up each little toy
Eyes so brightly ooh and ah
Now what do I get my brother-in-law?

Hey, you haven't given me anything yet
Right

Sammy is a whiz at math, Peter is an athlete
Amy's an adventurer and her husband David
I don't really know a lot about
I think he mentioned baseball
Is cash faux pass?
Maybe he likes IPA's
Who is my brother-in-law?

Giving gifts fills me with joy
Wrapping up each little toy
Eyes so brightly ooh and ah
What the fuck do I get my brother-in-law?

I like food and I like pants
And I like blue and I like music
And I like sports
Okay

I got you a journal and your new perfume
I'm not gonna give you a gift until you give me one
Who is this man? What does he do?
I've known him ten years and I don't have a clue
Ooh, yeah

So what? He just hands out?
Yeah, when he's not at work
What's his job again?
Oh, I forget

Giving gifts fills me with joy
Wrapping up each little toy
Eyes so brightly ooh and ah
Seriously what the hell do I get him?

Here is a shaving kit, here is a bracelet
And for my brother-in-law

A phone charger
I love it, I always needed one of these
You're so interesting
Where did you get this? You're like a genius
You're really something special, Sabrina, may I hug you?
Yeah, okay
You really made this awesome Christmas, I really care about you
Honey, stop hugging my sister
Oh, I'm sorry about that

What the fuck do I get my brother-in-law?