Well, if things could talk then I'm sure you'd hear
A lot of things to make you cry my dear
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
Ain't you glad [Glad]
Glad that things don't talk

Now, if shoes could tell where they've been
When you say you've been visiting a friend
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
He-he-hey, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
But ain't you glad [Glad]
Glad that shoes don't talk

Now, if doors could tell who's turned the knob
When he's away out on his job
If cars could tell who's been inside
And who's been taking you out for a ride
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
But ain't you glad [Glad]
Glad that cars don't talk

In a world of trouble I'd be
If things ever told on me
My whole life would be through
'Cause I'm guilty, how about you ?
If things ever talk that way
Ain't no telling what they might say
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad]
Ain't you glad [Glad]
Glad that things don't talk