The first thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Hangovers, rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers, rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Five month of bills
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers, rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
I hate those Christmas cards
Hangovers, rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing a Christmas
That's such a pain to me
The Salvation Army, facing my in-laws
Five months of bills, sending Christmas cards
Ohhh geeez, I'm tryin to rig up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
(Kids voice) I want a transformer for Christmas
Charities and what do you mean your in-laws?
Five months of bills, uh makin up these cards
Please get me a beer huh
What we have no extension cords?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
(Kid) daddy I want some candy
Donations, facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers, now why the hell are they blinking?
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Batteries not included, no parking spaces
(Kid) by me something, get a job you bum
Facing my in-laws, five months of bills
Yo-ho sending Christmas cards
Oh-geez look at this
One light goes out they all go out
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Stale T.V. specials, batteries not included
No parking spaces
(Kid) mum I gotta go bathroom
Charites, she's a witch I hate her
Five months of bills
I dont even know half these people
Oh who has the toilet paper
Turn the flashlight on I blew a fuse
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me
Singing Christmas carols, stale T.V. specials
Batteries not included, no parking
(Kid crying), charities, gonna make em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending em mister that's it
Shut up you, you're so smart you rig up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree