Leechwife:

YOU STUDY HARD AND GO WEST
YOU'LL GO FAR LITTLE GIRL
NOW TRY HARD, AND BE THE BEST
THE BEST IN ALL THE WORLD
YOU CAN CREATE ON DEMAND
FOR THIS YOUR SPECIAL SKILL
YOU WILL BE HEALING THE ILL
IT'S SURGERY, BUT WITH NO KNIFE
SHE'LL MAKE A GREAT LEECHWIFE

YOU GET THOSE SUCKERS TO SUCK
TO SUCK OUT WHAT'S BAD
'CAUSE THIS IS SCIENCE NOT LUCK
LUCK IS NOT WHAT YOU'VE HAD
BUT NOW YOU'VE BROUGHT YOURSELF UP
SURPRISE YOUR MOM AND DAD
WITH THIS, YOUR SPECIAL SKILL
YOU WILL BE IMPROVING YOUR LIFE
SHE'LL MAKE A GREAT LEECHWIFE

YOU DON'T NEED NO NU-AGE CRAP
GOOD SENSE IS WHAT IT MAKES
YOU'LL LEARN IT IN NO TIME FLAT
ONE LEECH IS AL IT TAKES
IT SUCKS THE BLOOD 'TIL IT'S FAT
IT'S FOUND IN PONDS AND LAKES
THE DRIED UP SKIN THEN TURNS BLACK
YOU CAN BE ONE OF THE FAKES
THE QUACKS AND THE RIFF-RAFF
SHE'S HONING HER LEECHCRAFT

ALL HEALED AND NONE KILLED
LEECH EMPTY, LEECH FILLED
SHE'S HONING HER LEECHCRAFT SKILLS
JUST THINK OF THE FOLKS SHE WILL HEAL
SHE'LL MAKE A GREAT LEECHWIFE