No one's ever gonna have to see me like this
No one's ever gonna have to see my sweatpants
I guess I'm lookin' for a way to tell you
"Fuck you, I'm stayin' in!"

You've been tellin' me that I'm so boring
I've been gettin' drunk at five in the morning
You've been yellin' at me with no warning
But I'm already lost in the drink Jay's pouring

I'm a bum
I'm a fuckin' bum

Connor's got his college friends
Brian's got his can of Redd's
And I got Netflix
Dom's got good looks and he's skinny
God's not real and I'm not happy
And I've got man tits

I'm a bum
I'm a fuckin' bum