I have a dream
I'm here to tell
About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel
Yes, it's one of a kind, right here in Hell
Catering to a specific clientele

Inside of every demon is a rainbow!
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac
Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child!

We can turn round!
They'll be heaven-bound!
With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel

So, all you
Junkies, freaks and weirdos
Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes
And the fallen superheroes, help is here!

All of you cretins, sluts and losers
Sexual deviants and boozers, and prescription drug abusers
Need not fear!

While in our care
We'll cure your sin
We'll make you well, you'll feel so swell!
Right here in Hell, at the Happy Hotel!

There'll be no more fire
And no more screams
Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams
And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like, wow!
Once you check in with me

So, all your
Cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions
Ancient Roman crucifixions
End right here!

All you monsters, thieves and crazies
Cannibals and crying babies
Frothing mouth is full with rabies
Filled with cheer

You'll be complete! It'll be so neat!
Our service can't be beat! You'll be on easy street (yes)
Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel (yeah)