I still haven't found a girlfriend
Though I've tried a lot
So, can you help me, please?
It's tougher than I thought

The odds are pretty good
But the goods are pretty odd
Though at this point
I'll take anything you've got

I see this all the time
Nice girls in love with jerks
What could they be thinking?
Tell me how it works

If I got some problems
Well I wouldn't be the first
But the ones I have in mind are even worse

And even Hitler had a girlfriend
Who he could always call
That would always be there for him
In spite of all his faults
He was the worst guy ever
Reviled and despised
Even Hitler had a girlfriend
So why can't I?
Why can't I?

Life is full of contradictions
Hard to understand
And for every happy woman
There's a lonely man

Nixon had his puppy
Charles Manson had his clan
God forbid that I get a girlfriend

Even Hitler had a girlfriend
Who he could call his own
To sweeten days of bitterness
And feeling all alone

I'm not as bad as Hitler
But that doesn't mean a thing
Since they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me
I don't see, why they'd rather be with Hitler
More than me