Did you fight the roman wars
And end up naked on your horse?
Did you earn your winner's strikes
And fall down drunk in your face last night?
Is it true you lost your wealth
And then your health to breast-fed milk?

Happy birthday
To the worst friend in the world
Happy birthday
To you, to you, to you

It's true, it's true
And we don't know what you're trying to prove
It's true it's true
And we don't know what you're trying to do

Did you find egyptian tombs
And sacred jewels when you read the news?
Did you take her home last night
And fly first class? It'd be fifteen flights.
Is it true you grew up poor
But then found success at the video store?

Happy birthday.
Can I poison your drink?
Happy birthday
To you, to you, to you

It's true, it's true
And we don't know what you're trying to prove
It's true, it's true
And we don't know what you're trying to do