If I can get this hanger through the window of my car
I’ll never leave my house again for anything, I swear
Pacing in the driveway, I’m the nemesis of fun
With soggy hot dog buns from spilling warm beer in my trunk

Throwing down my jacket as I walk inside
I send a cloudy CD case flying off the side
Of a dresser from Ikea that I can’t get right
(God, I swear it’s missing pieces; I could choke someone)
I guess you can come over if you’re really dry
But I’m not really trying to go out tonight
It's been a really shitty day, I’d rather take some time
To just pound Zinfandel by myself and unwind

Remind me of the last time that we hung out, was it sick?
'Cause I don’t remember anything, not a glimpse of it
And I would rather re-up than hear about your kids
But I hope that y’all are doing
Just as great as I expect you’re doing

P got me some gifts because she’s super tight
I’m lighterless, relying on the stove for a light
But I don’t really care, these are my favorite nights
(When I can sit on my ass and respond to no one)
I guess you can come over if you’re really dry
But I’m not really trying to go out tonight
No, with my clammy fingers grabbing every crumb that I find
I could sit around here for the rest of my life

If I can get this hanger through the window of my car
I’ll never leave my house again for anything, I swear
Pacing in the driveway, I’m the nemesis of fun
With soggy hot dog buns from spilling warm beer in my trunk