Chorus:
Pity the poor night porter
When the band comes to town
Calling for refreshments
Ham and Cheese all round
Pity the poor night porter
When the road crew comes in
Calling for refreshments
Whisky, beer and gin
He's sleeping in the corner
Hoping that the bell won't ring
It's been ringing for an hour
He can't hear a thing
His ears are stopped, his nose is blocked
The heating's up to high
The window sills are all nailed up
The air is bone dry

Chorus

He's a quiet man in a quiet suit
Well liked by his friends
A man that never borrows
And a man that never lends
Five kids in rented digs
Alice for a wife
He took a job at night
To earn a quiet life

Chorus

No lift, late shift
Working overtime
No tip, all lip
Tacky pantomime
Two stars no bars
Prohibition comedy
He'd give you anything you want
But the waiter took the key

Chorus