I was just sitting there eating a salmonella sandwich
When a man walked up to me
"Would you mind, dear sir, if I asked you a question?
If music be the food of love, are you the indigestion"

Oh-ow-oh
Possibly, yes

Found myself standing amongst a score or so of aging grans and grandads
When a frail voice asked of me
"Would you mind, dear boy, I just can't stand all this tension
Please let me in front of you so I can cash my pension"

Oh-ow-oh
Fuck off, no

Frank was going through a state of depression in his bedroom
When he reached out for the jar
He swallowed every last pill and he lay back on his duvet
But a Haliborange overdose is perhaps not the right way

Ooh ooh ooh
To kill yourself

Down beside the babbling brook I was trying to sketch myself a stallion
When the stallion said to me
"That's the third biro that you've broken, all day I can not wait
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead, mate"

"Ooh ooh" said the stallion
Oooh

Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl out on the ice
Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl, oh so nice

Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl out on the ice
Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl, a cool paradise