My famous friends don't ever write me any letters
But I can tell they're almost always doin' better
I see their names in magazines
They talk about their big-ass scenes
My famous friends ain't really my friends at all.

My famous friends I mostly knew when we were young
Oh, but I could tell even then they'd soon be gone
They weren't happy with their deal
They wanted fame to feel more real
They changed their names, I wonder if their heart's the same.

Oh, my famous friends, if you should ever hear this song
Don't try to get in touch with me, it's been too long
Count your money, fix your chins
Clean up, find god, and get more thin
I've got some friends that love me good, and they ain't famous.
I've got some friends, I love 'em good, and they ain't famous.