My girl went to the doctor
'Cause her heart had palpitations

Said, "Cut the carbs"
Or else she'd end up
Pushin' up carnations

She stepped up on the scale
And the doctor said,
"Oh, Lordy!
"If you don't drop
a few, girl, you won't make it
past age forty."

My girl said, "Hey, looky on that fancy X ray chart."
Said the doctor, "Holy hell, that's one GD
big-ass heart."

I'm tellin' you, my friend,
My girl's got a big-ass heart.
When she shops for groceries
That heart gets its own damn cart

That big-ass heart
Can pump two tons
Of love through her chest,
And then sit down and win
A lovin' pie-eating contest

I love that big-ass heart
So much I think it isn't fair
Like how your heart
Won't pay me back
For breaking all my chairs

So sick with love,
I think I'm coming down with rickets
When that big-ass heart flies coach
It has to pay
For two plane tickets

Oh, that big-ass heart...
Oh, that big-ass heart...