Christmas comes but once a year
And mostly it is swell
But there's an epidemic
That I think we all know well
Your smile is frozen open
There's a crazed look in your eye
You overflow with compliments
While trying to deny

That you loathe the gift you opened
Though you try to keep your grace
Your scary grin is frozen
Don't you know you've got a case of

Present face, present face, present face, present face, oh thank you so much

You really hoped your parents would
Give you great big check
Instead you got a puffy painted
Hummingbird turtleneck
You hoped for an engagement ring
Inside that tiny box
But your asshole former future husband
Only bought you socks

Now your face is all contorted
As your trying to erase
The truth behind your smile
Don't you know you've got a case of

Present face, present face, present face, present face… oh. Rant!!!!!!!!!!!

Do they see how much I hate it
I hope that they don't know
I can't tell if they're onto me
Oh please don't let it show

Baby Jesus got some gold
What all infants prefer
I bet he got the present face
With francencence and myhrr

Christmas and his birthday
Are both on the 25th
It must have sucked to have to open
Combination gifts

If Jesus couldn't hide it
From his omnipresent place
You and I are doomed
To an everlasting case

Present face you shouldn't have
Present face just what I wanted
Present face for all the times I go fishing
Present face