And when he drinks he always says
"Le' chaim", he often stays in time,
unless he's gotten really blind
and that's when shit
gets weird sometimes.

And I'm convinced of his tendencies
to spend the night on his knees.
He's got some massive kegs
but only in relation to his legs.

We all know he's cancer-prone,
like Macauly Culkin in Home Alone,
looks like he's standing
but he's on his throne
Yeah he's the fucken Metro Gnome

And yeah he really likes to play the tubs,
but he only wants to play in pubs.
He helped me write this stupid song,
he likes monkeys like King Kong.

We all know he's cancer-prone,
like Macauly Culkin in Home Alone,
looks like he's standing
but he's on his throne
Yeah he's the fucken Metro Gnome

He likes to bitch and moan,
won't Lindsay play trombone,
got no hair don't need no comb,
but he's the fucken Metro Gnome.
He's the Metro Gnome,
hates retro, not hetro.
We won't let go...HOME!