Kitty calls me on the phone
To say she's all alone
And needs somebody's there
Crystal sees into the future
Tells me that she's an asshole
Should have, but who really cares

I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world
And all these making emotions whirling around me swirl
I'm in love with everybody's girl

Look at Brenda there with Luke
She's giving him the boot
Ah, but Kelly's standing by
Aw, and here comes my man Tom
Ask her: Do you wanna?
But I never even try

I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world
And all these deviant motions making the channels twirl
And I'm in love with everybody's girl

I'm spending Cinco de Mayo with my Maria
Celebrating her independence with little Emily
And should the new year should find you without Jenny
There she'll be
You'll find her under my tree
Wrapped up and waiting for me

If you call me on the phone
Don't ever weep and moan
You always find me there
And if you see into the future
Be so kind as
Not to tell me what you find out there

We'll lie in bed watching re-runs of another world
Just like a drunk, better be no stuck on a tilt-a-whirl
And I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love
(Ew, you're creepy)
With everybody's girl