I am the preacher, I'm on TV
God has cable and he is watching me
Tune in on Sunday mornings at then
I can save you if you just send in:

Five hundred dollars to save a single soul
It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old
We need all the money to fight the holy war
So if you are a sinner, well, you'd better send some more

I am the preacher's wife, I am looking fine
cause God loves me--I'm younger all the time
These diamonds and pearls, they came from above
And you will feel the love, write to us care of:

Five hundred dollars to save a single soul
It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old
We need all the money to buy the holy wine
So if you are a sinner, well, you'd better not waste time

I am the new age guru of the day
I can heal you with everything I say
Come to the center, buy my video
Join the family, come on, let go!

Of five hundred dollars to save a single soul
It doesn't really matter if you're young or if you're old
You need to give the money to find your inner peace
And you will reach enlightenment within eleven weeks