As I did walk by Hampstead Fair
I came upon Mother Goose -- so I turned her loose --
She was screaming.
And a foreign student said to me --
Was it really true there are elephants and lions too
In Piccadilly Circus?

Walked down by the bathing pond
To try and catch some sun.
Saw at least a hundred schoolgirls sobbing
Into hankerchiefs as one.
I don't believe they knew
I was a schoolboy.

And a bearded lady said to me
If you start your raving and your misbehaving
You'll be sorry.
Then the chicken-fancier came to play
With his long red beard and his sister's weird:
She drives a lorry

Laughed down by the putting green
I popped `em in their holes.
Four and twenty labourers were labouring
Digging up their gold.
I don't believe they knew
That I was Long John Silver.

Saw Johnny Scarecrow make his rounds
In his jet-black mac
Stole it from a snow man.