Now, there's a certain thing
That I learned from Jim
That he'd always make sure I'd understand
And that is that there's a certain way
That a man must swim
If he expects to live off
Of the fat of the land

Open the door, Homer
I've heard it said before
Open the door, Homer
I've heard it said before
But I ain't gonna hear it said no more

Now, there's a certain thing
That I learned from my friend, Mouse
A fella who always blushes
And that is that ev'ryone
Must always flush out his house
If he don't expect to be
Goin' 'round housing flushes

Open the door, Richard
I've heard it said before
Open the door, Richard
I've heard it said before
But I ain't gonna hear it said no more

Take care of all your memories
Said my friend, Mick
For you cannot relive them
And remember when you're out there
Tryin' to heal the sick
That you must always
First forgive them

Open the door, Richard
I've heard it said before
Open the door, Richard
I've heard it said before
But I ain't gonna hear it said no more