Is it my fault that you never got home?
If we'd taken the train, I guess you would've got home
I was so tired of lugging those bags around

We hopped in a cab, you were so excited
To stretch out in bed, it was such a long flight
Thirteen hours of trying to fall asleep

Judy and me crossing the street
She said, what did you leave for the cabbie?
That's such a bad tip
She walked back to give him some more

I heard tires come screaming around the corner
Some drunk asshole saying he was so sorry
One broken hand, two bruised ribs, and one hospital gown

If you weren't such a cheap bastard I'd be at home
Oh, I'm not made of money, you should have left it alone
As soon as I say it, she looks at me so surprised
Of course it's your fault that I never got home