Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh
Here I am at Camp Granada
Camp is very entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops rainning

I went hiking with Joey Spivey
He developed poison ivy
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner

All the counselours hate the waiters
And the lake has alligators
And the head coach wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses

Now I don't want, this should scare you
But my bunkmate has malaria
You remember Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party

Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me out in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear

Take me home, I promisse I'll not
Make noise
Or mess the house with
Other boys

Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day
Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah
How is my precious little Bruddah?

Let me come home, if you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me
Just a minute, it stopped hailing
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
Playing baseball, gee that's bettah
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!