[Speaking through a microphone]
"Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention please. As you may, or may not know, Principal Cambell will not be here for the rest of the week due to a throat infection. Leaving me, assistant principal Dunbar, as the school's lone administrator for the next few days."
"Though the policies set forth by Principal Cambell will remain the same, there will be some additional regulations you must also follow."
"Number one - smoking outside the administration building will only be allowed during lunch periods."
"Number two - the girls' showering facilities will be moved from the locker room into my inner office where I can watch the girls wash their breasts and buttocks while I play with myself."
"Number three - while showering, none of the girls will be allowed to snicker or laugh at the size of my genitalia. Eye contact with me is also prohibited."
"Number four - girls are encouraged to wash each other freely as I build towards orgasm."
"Number five - while I am ejaculating, the boys gymnastic team must undress each other spread eagle in front of me and satisfy each other orally until I have completed ejaculating."
"Finally, rule number six - any student caught writing graffiti or defacing school property will be automatically suspended, unless they are masturbating."
"If you have any questions about these new regulations, I will be in my office spanking it with a thumb up my ass."
"Good day"